Venom: The Last Dance

Here is a movie without a plot, a point, and instead is a string of ill-conceived misadventures. For the better part of almost two hours, Eddie Brock and his inky black buddy (Tom Hardy, reprising his dual role) are on the run. The opening explains why in the first of numerous exposition dumps throughout, by the Big Bad. The main character has become a MacGuffin, a walking beacon that, when the symbiote takes over completely, becomes visible to otherworldly monsters.

Did I mention that the poor sap is also a fugitive from the law, so not only aliens but humans are pursuing him as well? Accomplished actor Chiwetel Ejiofor plays the primary human antagonist, a commander at Area 51–which is about to be destroyed. Juno Temple–of Ted Lasso fame–is a scientist with a backstory that is laughably contrived…like so much of this misbegotten movie. Both characters only really exist to deliver exposition and deserve far better (I’m not sure they even know what they are doing here). Apparently, director Kelly Marcel–who penned the previous entries in this franchise as well, with Hardy credited as co-writer here–doesn’t trust that we can really figure anything out otherwise.

There is some amusement to be had, much of it from Hardy and his gooey, CGI friend bickering like an old married couple. I admit that I did chuckle and even laugh a few times. At least these films don’t pretend to be anything more than mindless B-movies. But they never really rise above B-minus quality, and the third time is not a charm. The second act finds Eddie and Venom on a road trip with a family of hippies who are headed to Area 51 because they want to see an alien (unaware, of course, that one is in the vehicle with them). The father is played by Rhys Ifans, but if you expect him to be revealed as Curt Connors, don’t hold your breath. It’s just another baffling decision made by the studio. An abundance of contrivances, wasted talent, poor pacing, and inconsistencies keep this supposed trilogy capper from ever being entertaining.

One specific example of a plot hole concerns the behavior of these creatures hunting Eddie/Venom. As mentioned, they can see him when he takes on full symbiote form. But they only sometimes attack immediately. Consider the scene shown in the marketing, where Venom decides to dance with Mrs. Chen (Peggy Lu, reprising her role from the previous films) as they sing “Dancing Queen” during the Vegas segment. The titular character does not really seem concerned about the imminent danger that this will invite. Yet their foes don’t show up for several minutes, generously giving him a chance to enjoy himself (the reason for this is never explained, like so many aspects of this disaster).

As you might expect, this all culminates in a climactic showdown at Area 51, with both the human characters and E.T.s involved. Without spoiling anything, it is perfectly safe to say that there are several quieter moments between Eddie and the symbiote that are supposed to make us care about them. But I felt nothing at all, not just for these two but for anyone in this disastrous production. I know that the Venom trilogy has its fans, so if you enjoyed the last two, you should like this one. But I am not a fan of them or any of Sony’s other trainwrecks featuring Spider-Man villains without the web-slinger.

Two post-credits scenes tease that, much like those hungry aliens, the studio is far from finished churning out this trash. Coming out of my show, I heard a woman nearby say that it felt longer than it really was. Considering how often I was checking my watch during this unforgiving slog, I heartily agree with that assessment. To quote Stan Lee, “‘Nuff said!”

109 minutes